Bookgrrl Says

Poor little rich girl

book-1grrl — Tue, 02 Apr 2013 10:41:00 -0400

Sometimes, a delicious meringue of a novel really hits the spot. The American Heiress by Daisy Goodwin fit the bill nicely. This was a fast read, one that I finished in a day’s reading. Shades of Downton Abbey abound, with the two main characters living upstairs and downstairs. The author alternates between the voices of Cora, the heiress of the title and Bertha, her maid. Each character’s narrative rang true both to the individual and their station in life. Honestly, I liked Cora much more than I expected even while questioning some of her choices.

Overall, the novel isn’t one of great depth but I highly recommend it as an enjoyable and well-researched, yet fluffily fun novel.

Buy the book!

Delving into prehistory, through sex

book-1grrl — Sun, 24 Mar 2013 16:53:00 -0400

Some recent discussions on Facebook led me to borrow a copy of a widely talked about book, Sex At Dawn, by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha. This NYT bestseller offers an examination of the evolutionary bases for human sexual impulses. As I am in a monogamous relationship but have, love and fully support many polyamorous friends, I was intrigued by the ideas it presents. An excerpt from the cover: “In Sex At Dawn, the authors expose the ancient roots of human sexuality while pointing toward a more optimistic future illuminated by our innate capacities for love, cooperation, and generosity.”

One of the book’s premises, that it is deeply in human nature to explore sexuality with multiple partners, presented a significant problem for me from the start. There is a strong presumption there that all people yearn for something other than a monogamous, long-term pair-bonded romantic relationship. ”The frantic sexual hypocrisy in America is inexplicable if we adhere to traditional models of human sexuality insisting that monogamy is natural, marriage is a human universal, and any family structure other than the nuclear is aberrant.”

I have to back up a bit and say that, yes, there is a large segment of the population (particularly in America) that feels that monogamy is the only “right” way to build a family. However, it’s been the case throughout history that we move inevitably forward toward tolerance and acceptance of difference. Sometimes that movement is a process of a step or two forward followed by a step back (more on that with the book I’m currently reading on the battle for women’s reproductive rights) but, inexorably, we move forward. It is my belief that we will continue to move toward a broader acceptance of what makes a family. Currently, we are moving toward acceptance of the idea that two men or two women can be model, loving parents and the foundation of a different family model. We moved beyond, with the exception of serious holdouts from society, the intolerance toward single parents in the 1980’s and 90’s. So, we are moving toward acceptance of different models for families and relationships. Do we have more progress to make? Absolutely.

But, the way forward should not be to denigrate one legitimate, viable relationship model to accept another as legitimate and viable. Just as there are many people for whom poly relationships and families work, there are those who can develop strong, healthy monogamous relationships and families built on that. The authors of Sex at Dawn posit that our biological and evolutionary connection to other primates (primarily bonobos) demonstrates that we are inherently drawn to seek connection sexually with many partners. They go on to suggest strongly the conclusion that attempting to sublimate this inherent instinct is the root cause of marital breakdowns and infidelity.

Is their conclusion sound? The authors present it as a given. However, they present science and studies of bonobos and chimpanzees as well as some modern hunter/gatherer societies and then jump to the conclusion that nonmonogamous relationships are the answer to societal ills. They fail to consider any other facets of these societies as the lacking factor in modern human relationships. One could just as easily argue that it is the lack of connection to multiple generations that leads to these problems. Or the movement from hunter/gatherer lifestyles. It could be any number of differences that are present, even as the authors brush past them to focus on sexual differences.

Polyamorous relationships and families deserve respect, recognition and equality. But, you can’t reach that by trying the Orwellian idea of some being “more equal than others” or declaring that one model is the natural (read: correct and honest) way of building a relationship and thus valuing it over others.

I found the book fascinating and the writing well-done. I question the conclusions and, in some cases, the logic the authors used. With that taken into consideration, Sex at Dawn deserves a read by anyone who wants to understand more about how our biological ancestors’ sexual lives and family bonds were likely structured. I highly recommend it.

The Sins of Being Pleasant

book-1grrl — Tue, 19 Mar 2013 21:39:00 -0400

So, right off the bat, I have this dilemma about rating books. If you’re a Goodreads monkey like I am, you’re familiar with their star system of rating books. 5 stars=”loved it!” and so on.

The first problem with that system is that it doesn’t have half stars. (Half stars should have been automatically offered!) It also doesn’t allow for complex feelings about a book. Yes, I am a bibliophile but loving books is still a multi-faceted love. So, for example, you could take my most recent read, Three Junes by Julia Glass. Oh, the awards the book has been bejeweled with! The praise it’s had heaped upon its modest covers.

And, modest it is, moving between three characters’ tales of love and near misses at it. Moving from a father so wrapped in his own mind and dispassionate approach to life that he has to be forced to recognize his son’s sexuality to that son living as ascetic an existence one can imagine a gay man enduring in Manhattan to a young woman whose very introversion feels like an affront to those around her is a lot for a small novel. Glass creates the characters artfully, leaving them just on the cusp between likable and unlikable. They are pleasant and lovely souls who don’t do much of anything. Each character’s fixation on their interior world left me seeing them as surface dwellers, just skimming along and barely touching down on the water of reality, not even creating a ripple.

So, ultimately, I find Three Junes to be the perfect sort of book to take on vacation. It looks like you’re reading something of depth that is well-crafted, as fiction goes, but you won’t have to pause to riddle out the characters’ deeper significance or meaning. If pressed, I’d give it 3 stars or so but I wouldn’t urge anyone to read it.

The Dreaded Intro Post

book-1grrl — Tue, 05 Mar 2013 21:23:00 -0500

If you’ve found this, you’re probably open to being pushed toward books. I’ve been a book pusher for years with good results, generally. Right off the bat, I’ll say that I think everyone (and I do mean everyone) needs to go out and read two books.

1) Ishmael by Daniel Quinn. Just read it. NO, don’t read the jacket and see that it mentions a gorilla and put it back. Get past the idea that a book with a gorilla for a main character is strange or silly and just read it.

2) Haroun and the Sea of Stories by Salman Rushdie. It’s short, it’s funny and it has Eggmen and the Walrus in it. Enough said.

I’m in the process of reading some nonfiction currently and will make a real post about that soon.